


It Could Be About Anybody

by Ceilingtile



Category: South Park
Genre: (1) tiktok reference, Comfort, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Second-Hand Embarrassment, but I would not say the tweets are the main focus, twitter is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceilingtile/pseuds/Ceilingtile
Summary: Eric Cartman's twitter had amassed a decent size following. This is why, when Cartman posts something, everyone assumes it's about Kyle. How can Kyle deal with this with the least amount of emotional fallout?
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 1
Kudos: 112





	It Could Be About Anybody

Posted @ 8:45 AM 

_Butters and Kenny were caught making out behind the dumpsters before school. Will their romantic escapades have them catch something other than herpes? @ButterXO @KenXxX_

Posted @ 11:47 AM

_The Turd Bandit Strikes Again! Smeared on the walls, left for Mackey to find. Who will stop this mad man?_

“Cartman needs to stop posting this shit. Also, who the hell is doing that in the restroom?” Kyle complained loudly to Stan, who was preoccupied with his own phone. “Stan?”

Stan perked his eyes up to Kyle and glanced at the screen. 

“I mean… He’s right. Those dumpsters are disgusting.”

Kyle huffed, scrolling past the tweets to find something else to focus on. 

“I just feel like it’s an invasion of privacy, for one. Secondly, I don’t want updates about every nasty thing that happens in the restroom! He even tags the people in question!”

Kyle looked back to Stan, hoping for a shred of support. 

“Why do you even follow him, dude? Blocking exists for a reason. I blocked the account a while ago.” 

Kyle flushed, turning himself away, “In case he ever mentions me. I want to know.”

“Why would he talk about you? You don’t even know if it’s actually Cartman.”

“But I do! He mentions his ‘following’ all the time, how everyone cares about what he thinks.” Kyle shook his head in apparent disgust. 

“I don’t remember that. If you have such a problem with it, why don’t you confront him about it? He’s walking over now.” 

Kyle’s piercing green gaze met the brown-blue eyes of Cartman, who gave that same cocky grin he always did. He instinctively pulled his shoulders back, preparing for whatever Cartman had to say. While they weren’t children anymore, it didn’t mean that their relationship settled any. In any case, while they were not as openly hostile or physical, they could argue or rile each other up almost instantly. Some days, it was like walking on sharp glass and on other days, hot rocks. 

“Hey fellas, sitting pretty all by yourselves? Better watch out, or you’ll attract the attention of the mystery tweeter.”

Stan turned to Kyle, “You know what? I remember him talking about his followers now.”

Kyle, still focused on Cartman, asked, “Why would you call yourself the ‘mystery tweeter’? That is the worst name ever.” Stan nodded in agreement. 

“It’s not me guys! They tweeted about me just the other day!” Cartmen jumped quickly to his own defense, sitting down next to them. 

“Kenny showed me that, I think. It mentioned you leaving the gym,” Stan looked away as if thinking, “Why would they say that? You’ve never even seen a gym before fat-ass.” 

“Oh my god, Stan. Yes, I have,” Cartman stated matter-of-factly, “How else would I have gotten these?” He set his bag down and flexed, drawing attention to his arms. 

Kyle had noticed that, while he was definitely still heavier than everyone else, Cartman had actually replaced a lot of his fat with muscle. He didn’t mean to notice, of course. He was just observant is all. 

“What? I don’t see anything,” Stan remarked, throwing his bag on his shoulder. “I’ll see you in class, Kyle.” 

“Where are you going?” 

“Wendy just texted me. She wants to make plans or something.”

“You mean make out before class?” Cartmen lifted his brow. 

“Jealous? Sorry that no one wants you Cartman, don’t take it out on the lucky ones. No offense, Kyle.”

“Just go, Stan,” Kyle huffed, as Stan sheepishly shrugged and left. 

Kyle turned his attention back to Cartman, who was writing something down in the notes on his phone. 

“You’re not using this for a tweet are you?” 

“Sorry Kahl, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cartman made sure to draw out Kyle’s name, just like he did when they were younger. He didn’t as often, but when they were alone or Cartman wanted something out of Kyle, he would revert to his old tricks. 

Kyle rolled his eyes and tried to reach for his bag.

“You’re leaving too?” 

Kyle stopped. There was something in Cartman’s voice that seemed sad. Disappointed maybe? Cartman was watching him expectantly, his hand gripped around his phone. 

“I guess not. I have nowhere to be until class,” Kyle sighed, leaning back on the bench. Cartman smiled, leaving Kyle’s heart to flutter. He really had to do something about these feelings. 

“So… Do you follow the account? The account which is totally not me, because they have tweeted about me before? I suspect Token or Bebe. She’s always butting into everything.”

“She is not. You just have something against her. She doesn’ invite you to parties anymore because you had the cops called.” 

“Look, I didn’t know that the fireworks would be so loud!” 

“They are fireworks! What do you mean you didn’t know?” 

“I didn’t realize I was in the presence of a fireworks expert. Should I bow to you, master of all things loud and explodey?” 

Kyle could feel himself getting worked up. It was so easy when it came to Cartman. Everything about their relationship was volatile. They could look at the same flower and argue about pollination for hours. Of course, one could see their relationship and call it a sort of passion. No matter what happened, what the other person said or did, they always returned to the others’ side. 

Kyle couldn’t explain why he was so drawn to Eric Cartman. At least, that’s what he told himself. If he were to be completely honest, it may have had something to do with how he carried himself. Not when Cartman was younger, when he said terrible things to Kyle and the others when he did terrible things. The Eric that was dedicated, that would make a plan and make it work no matter the odds. Or, it could be how Cartman treated animals. There was a softness to him when animals were around, which wasn’t often seen. Recently, he had seen him at the shelter, volunteering! Of course, Eric Cartman was still a stubborn douche, but if he had become an angel overnight, who would Kyle have to argue with?

There was something about Eric’s eyes. One dark brown, like oak trees or chocolate, and the other a rich blue, like the sky on a summer day. Just one look would keep Kyle fixed to them, wanting Cartman to see only him. It was ridiculous of him to think this way, about the kid who bullied him for years and years, about his best friend that had been by his side when it felt that no one else was. This tumultuous wave of emotion overpowered him. When Eric would graze Kyle with his touch and when they sat next to each other on the couch playing games when Kyle would be neck-deep in homework and despair only to be pulled away if not for just a second to hear Eric’s “next great idea”. 

Then there were the days that Cartman would tweet something dumb, and it would have Kyle start the cycle all over again. 

“Explodey isn’t even a word,” Kyle retorted. 

“Au contraire, mon ami,” Cartman shot back, “I’ll have you know that it is, in fact, a word and that it had been used by some of the world’s best leaders.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, dude. When am I wrong about this kind of thing?” 

“Name ONE ‘best leader’ that used explodey.” 

“Pfft- Do your own research you lazy J-” Cartman stopped himself, “You lazy son-of-a-bitch!” 

“What were you going t-”

“You’re late for class.”

Kyle checked his phone, Cartman was right. He was 5 minutes late. 

“Shit! I’ll see you after school?” 

“My place tonight.” 

Kyle hurriedly grabbed his bag and ran to class. 

Eric Cartman merely watched him leave. He was late for class too, but to watch Kyle leave in a tizzy was worth any absence. Kyle Broflovski, the center of Eric’s world, well, tied with everything else he loved of course. He receives great satisfaction in knowing the effect he has on Kyle. Kyle, who wanted to believe that Cartman couldn’t tell what he was thinking. 

In fact, Cartman can remember being fixated on Kyle for as long as he can remember. At first, he believed it was distasteful. Their ‘friendship’ was built on some need to be mean to each other. Of course, it was largely Cartman who was the antagonist. He couldn’t help it, really. There was no other feeling than Kyle focusing entirely on him. It was natural that these feelings would blossom into something new as they grew older. Cartman had a lot of time to accept them. As far as he was concerned, he was the only one who needed to know, until now that is. 

Eric Cartman’s love for Kyle Broflivski was becoming too much to bear alone. He wanted them to bear it together, he wanted Kyle to feel the same kind of strangulating love that he had buried deep in his heart. Cartman wanted to stare into vibrant green eyes and feel Kyle’s body under his touch. Kyle’s pale skin, spattered with freckles like stars, was luminescent. Of course, Kyle would complain, saying that he looked deathly ill under the school’s fluorescent lights. Cartman would counter that his skin reflected the moonlight, entrapping him.

At parties, hosted by the lake under the secretive light of the moon, Cartman could barely pull himself away from Kyle’s side. It was a miracle that no one had figured him out. By continuing to throw jabs at Kyle, he was able to be close to him. Their bickering added to Cartman’s pleasure as well. When Kyle was passionate, truly passionate and caught in a swing of emotion, and his face would flush and his gaze would pierce into Cartman, he could hold onto the memory. Cartman could imagine that Kyle felt the same way about him, felt the same claustrophobic love that he did. 

Posted @ 1:57 PM

_Stan and Wendy getting action before class? It’s more likely than you think. It leaves you to wonder who else is getting freaky in the halls of learning. @stan_man @lilacpower43_

Cartman stared at the tweet. Kyle knows, or at the very least suspects that Cartman runs this account. Of course, he isn’t running it with the best secrecy. That tweet about him at the gym may or may not have been his attempt at getting Kyle to notice him. What would the harm be in posting a few more things to get his attention? Worse comes to worst, he deletes the account and pretends it was a joke. It wouldn’t be too far out there, he’s done worse things. Maybe… He’ll wait after the gang leaves tonight. 

The time couldn’t have moved faster. Kyle could barely focus on what happened in his next few classes. Cartman stopped himself. If it were anyone else, well Kyle would have still been pissed. He’s aggravated with Cartman still, sure, but he kind of always is. It is only fair that he makes a big deal out of Cartman’s odd behavior. There is growing out of who you used to be, and then there is going way above the bar of expectation. What was Eric Cartman’s deal? 

As soon as the bell rang Kyle whipped out his phone. Explodey wasn’t an actual word. It’s slang. Of course, he was right, he usually was when it came to petty arguments. While he was on his phone he saw the latest tweet about Stan and Wendy. If he didn’t believe it was Cartman before, the facts were certainly straight now. There wasn’t much he could do with this information, but it felt good knowing that his worries and need to track the posts were founded.

“Are you riding with Stan?” 

Kyle practically jumped out of his skin. Kenny took a step back and gave him an apologetic smile.

“Woah! Sorry for scarin’ you there. Stan wanted me to ask since I want him to give Buttercup and me a ride to Cartman’s.” Butters stepped out from behind Kenny, probably also startled from Kyle’s sudden outburst, giving him a small wave. 

Kyle acknowledged him and focused back on Kenny. 

“Nah, I’m walking today. I will see you when I get there, though I may be a little late. 

“Whatever you say.” Sending Stan the message, Kenny threw his arm around Butters and turned to leave for the parking lot. 

As they did nearly every time they got together at Cartman’s, they filed in roughly at the same time, except this time Kyle showed up fashionably late. 

Stan arrived first, with Kenny and Butters in tow. This was perhaps the first time Kenny arrived before Kyle, though Kyle did usually ride with Stan. To say that this messed with Cartman’s flow was an understatement. He was always very sure to have Kyle sit next to him on the couch, with Stan on the other side. Keeny and Butters sat in the love seat beside them, not that they minded too much. With Kyle absent, Cartman had to layout even more so than usual, no doubt frustrating the others. 

“C’mon, dude. There is plenty of room. Just scoot over.” Stan was grumbling, feeling forced against the side of the couch. To him, Cartman was trying to be a bigger ass than usual.

“Shut up Stan! This is my couch, I sit how I want.”

“Fatass you’re taking up the whole couch. Where is Kyle going to sit?” Kenny added, grabbing the last controller than had all the working buttons. 

“We’ll find out when he gets here, won’t we?” Cartman was resolute, gripping onto his controller and watching the window. It was only when the familiar sight of a bright green hat came into view that Cartman began sitting up. 

Stan took this as his chance, sitting directly in the spot Cartman was trying to protect. 

“What the h-” Cartman started.

Kyle swung open the door, “Hey guys, I’m a little late I know. Did I miss anything?”

“Cartman wouldn’t move over,” Kenny said, gesturing towards the silently fuming Cartman and Stan, who was giving him a smug grin. 

Kyle rolled his eyes, sitting down next to Stan. Cartman tried his best to appear frustrated only at Stan, glancing at Kyle sparingly. At least, with Stan in the middle, Cartman could look at Kyle for longer than normal. 

“Cartman, where are the other controllers?”

“Huh?”

“The other controllers?” Kyle repeated himself, leaning forward to better stare at Cartman. 

“Oh, should be where they normally are. Check behind the TV.”

“You okay? You’ve been off today,” Butters asked. 

Cartman turned to Butters, “Just hungry is all. We don’t really have anything, getting groceries tomorrow or something.” 

The boys nodded in agreement, but Kyle wasn’t sure. Now that Butters mentioned it, Cartman had been acting strangely, not just today, but for a while now. Not just in how Cartman spent his free time, with how he treated those around him. How he treated Kyle, to be more exact. He noticed when Cartman would stare at him, or when he would glance over between loading screens. It was like he wanted Kyle to be looking at him too.

Cartman, towards the end of the night, was quick to get them out of his house. He was losing every round. He blames Kyle, he always does. If he was going to go through with it, he needed to do it soon. It was like ripping off a bandaid, he supposed. 

Posted @ 10:57 PM

_This is a message for you. Say you love me, I love you._

He read the tweet twice over. He wanted to keep it short and vague. There were only a few people who were truly active when it came to checking his account, despite his follower count. If Kyle came up to him, not in reciprocation, but in anger or disgust, then he could pass it off as something else. He could say it was a letter he found in the hall, he just didn’t type that part. He could also say it was a troll, wanting to spice things up. When you think about it, it sounds entirely out of character for Cartman, even if Kyle knew it was about him. This would be fine. 

Kyle woke up to 13 new messages. Nearly all of them were from Stan, and most were laughing emojis. Stan rarely used emojis. 

_Are you awake_

_It’s like 7, wake up_

_Check that Cartman’s account_

_Kenny sent me a screenshot_

The account? He pulled up twitter, checking the most recent post.

“Love? Is he really?” Kyle sat there dumbfounded. Part of him was confused, but the other part realized that this was so like Cartman. To pronounce his feelings on social media, where everyone and their mom could see it. Cartman could never just be upfront with Kyle about anything, could he? 

The tweet didn’t name him specifically. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions, though it looked like everyone else had. There was no doubt that Stan and Kenny have told everyone in the school, so even if it wasn’t about him, he would be questioned about it. 

“Kyle, you’re going to be late!” Ike yelled from the hall. Glancing at the clock, he had 25 minutes to make it. 

“Shit. I’ll worry about this later.” 

Kyle strongly believed it was about him. All the evidence pointed to it. Was this Cartman’s way of confessing his feelings? Did he even really want to be in a relationship with Cartman? They barely talked alone, and when they did it turned into arguing. Attraction be damned, didn’t you at least have to like being around your partner for more than a few hours? Bringing it up with Cartman would be more complicated than it sounded, Kyle already knew. Cartman was dreadful to deal with involving serious or meaningful topics, especially when he felt uncomfortable or uninterested. When was the last time he heard something kind and sincere come out of his mouth? 

It was settled. Kyle Broflovski would have to reject Eric Cartman. 

A tiny voice in the back of his head was whispering. _If he proved himself, then there would be no harm in trying_. 

Kyle couldn’t help but feel as though there were eyes following him. How many of these people followed Cartman, and how many heard the news from his friends? If the tweet wasn’t actually about him, this will be so embarrassing. He didn’t see Cartman as he made his way to his locker, but he saw Kenny waiting for him. 

“Were you not going to tell us?” Kenny asked, batting his eyelashes. 

“Tell you what?” 

“That you and Cartman have a secret, spicy romance going on!” Kenny laughed. 

Rolling his eyes, Kyle shoved his bag into the locker. “Look, if he comes up to me I will be rejecting him. Besides, he never mentioned a name. Actually, if you see him before I do, you should let him know.” 

“You want me to break his heart for you?” Kenny gasped dramatically, “What kind of friend do you take me for?” 

“Whatever, dude. You can’t actually be invested in this.”

“Butters has been talking about it for a while actually,” Kenny said, nonchalantly. 

“Excuse me? He didn’t think to tell me?” Kyle usually didn’t think about how close Butters and Cartman were, but it made sense that he would know. The tweet was directed at him. He could feel his cheeks burn, but why? The butterflies in his stomach had no business being there. 

“You leave him out of this, now. If he heard me tell you, he’d be so mad,” Kenny replied, “But he is pretty cute when he’s frustrated.” 

“Have you seen him anyway? He’s usually still at his locker, class starts in about 10,” Kyle asked, leaning himself against the wall. He wanted to get this out of the way, so he didn’t have to think about it during class. 

“Nope,” Kenny shook his head, “Maybe he skipped today? Chickened out.” 

“Who’s the chicken?” 

Kyle and Kenny turned their attention to Cartman, who was making his to them. Cartman kept his eyes on Kyle, probably trying to see what mood he was in. If Kyle looked pissed, or disappointed, then Cartman would have a chance to brace himself for rejection. 

“You,” Kenny said, “Kyle here was saying you were going to skip.”

“Shut up, Kenny. You were the one who said it.” Kyle huffed. 

“I’ll just… leave you two lovebirds alone,” Kenny waved, though Kyle and Cartman both doubted that he was actually headed to class. 

This left Kyle and Cartman alone. At least, until a monitor or teacher came around, or if they actually went to class. 

“You don’t mind skipping one period, do you?” Cartman asked. Kyle wondered how he was so calm. Now that this was actually happening, now that Kyle had to reject him face-to-face, he could feel his will dissolve. 

“I mean, can’t whatever you have to say wait until lunch?” Playing ignorant. Is this really what it came to?

Cartman was caught off guard. He thought Kyle would have known already or was Kenny just messing with them like usual? 

“I-I mean I guess.”

“I’ll meet you here.” Kyle turned and walked to class alone. 

\-------------------

“What did you say?” Stan asked in a hushed whisper, as soon as Kyle sat down. “You barely made it to class on time.” 

“What are you talking about?” Kyle figured he would play ignorance until the end. What’s wrong with holding off the inevitable, eh? 

“The tweet. It was about you!” Stan’s volume increased, “I mean, when you really think about it you should have seen it coming.”

“Look, I’ll talk to you about this after school.” Stan frowned but didn’t press on it further. 

Kyle, though he tried his hardest to pay attention, had slipped into his thoughts. He was surprised to find that the day seemed to slip away, and it was already time to talk to Cartman. 

\-----------------

Kyle waited at the lockers, but it wasn’t long until Cartman was there. He seemed nervous, fiddling with the corners of a textbook. He felt kind of bad if this was going to go how he thought it would. 

“You know, Kyle, now that we are here, I don’t have anything. It must have slipped my mind,” Cartman said. It was obvious that he was trying to glaze over this. So much for Cartman’s directness. 

“The tweet. The one that everyone has been gawking at me about. The one where you said you loved me?” 

“That thing? It was a troll. I wanted to cause some chaos. I didn’t think that everyone would assume it was about you. I think that says a lot, actually. I didn’t know you were so obsessed with me.” Cartman’s mouth was running a mile a minute. He was getting comfortable in his lie. If Kyle didn’t corner him now, he was never getting the truth out of him. 

The tweet had now become a matter of pride. 

“Oh, really? So you hold no affection for me?” Kyle batted his eyelashes, hoping he didn’t look as stupid as he felt. 

Cartman was shocked. Was Kyle flirting with him? Or was this some trick, to get him to say it out loud? Kyle must be recording or something. 

“Yeah, Kahl. I’m pretty sure.” 

Kyle’s eyebrow perked, “Pretty sure?”

“I said what I said.” God, Kyle was being stubborn on this. 

“Say it then. Tell me you don’t love me, or like me, and that tweet was nothing.” 

Shit. Cartman was ready to say it, but something stopped him. This may be his only chance to do this. If he had the balls to do it in the future, then Kyle would definitely take it as a joke. 

“I knew it!” Kyle shouted, “You love me! I didn’t think you would give up so quickly.” 

Cartman felt his heart drop. Kyle was making fun of him, rejecting him. If Kyle had been nice about it, like he was expecting, then it wouldn’t have felt so bad. 

Don’t Cry Don’t Cry Don’t Cry

Kyle stopped. Cartman’s eyes were watering. Was he going to cry?

“Shit, dude! What did I do?”

“Nothing,” Cartman said, “What are you talking about?”

“You haven’t even let me really say my piece, fatass. Don’t start crying on me.” 

“What are you saying,” Cartman asked, now in disbelief. He didn’t think that this would be so difficult. 

“I don’t know. I just don’t want you crying, is all.” Kyle really did feel bad that Cartman was going to cry. 

“I told you I fucking wasn’t.” Cartman rubbed at his eyes for good measure.

Kyle took a deep breath. If he was going to do this, he might as well go all in. 

“I, Kyle Broflovski, think that you do a lot of terrible things. You say terrible things, and you are always instigating fights.” 

“You’re just mocking me-”

“Let me finish. You do, however, have a lot of redeemable qualities. I don’t think that I could really go on with my life if you weren’t with me. I may not love you, or maybe I do. I never thought that I would be confessing anything to you, especially in the hallway, but look at what you have made me do. What I’m trying to say, Eric Cartman is that I am not rejecting you if you were honest in that tweet.” 

Cartman was at a loss of words. This was actually happening. Something he always thought about, cried about, stressed about, is actually happening. He needed to say something. He had to say something. 

Kyle pulled him in for a hug. “I don’t think we should tell anyone yet.” 

“You want to hide our love from the world?” Cartman said. It felt good, being able to say it, to joke around now that his heart wasn’t in jeopardy. 

“Let me get through today.” 

“You know, if you want an actual confession you just have to ask,” Cartman said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Kyle’s heart flipped and he let Cartman go. He was glad that Cartman was back to being himself, though he was certain that Cartman would do something embarrassing sooner rather than later. 

Cartman grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the lunchroom. Okay. Cartman was going to do something embarrassing now, start this relationship with a bang. 

“Attention! Attention!” Cartman shouted. The room wasn’t large, and he got everyone’s attention very quickly. Stan, Kenny, and Butters waved. Other students looked at Cartman in confusion, There weren’t supposed to be any special announcements today. Kyle wanted to peel his skin off. 

“See this man standing next to me?” Cartman took a heavy pause and turned to Kyle, “Kyle Broflovski, of South Park, Colorado, I love you. Go out with me.” 

“Shut up!” Kyle said while grinning. 

“You don’t actually want me too, Kyle,” Cartman crooned. “We’ve got a yes everyone! You may all return back to your daily lives now!” 

“You couldn’t let me have a moment’s rest, could you?”

“Kyle, I haven’t even tweeted about it,” Cartman said, deadpan. 

Kyle rolled his eyes but grabbed Cartman’s hand. He saw the way Cartman looked at him now, his eyes were filled with adoration, and he was as confident as ever. There as no doubt that Eric Cartman meant what he said. Kyle wasn’t sure if he would regret this, but giving this relationship a chance would be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something to practice characterization, so that's why it's a little wonky. I may have to revisit this someday. Thanks for making it all the way to the end, though! 
> 
> Stay tuned for some other things I'm working on during quarantine!


End file.
